I'm walking the fine line between not being motivated and being completely depressed. The problem is I think a lack of motivation is a symptom of being depressed so at this point I think the fine line disappears into a giant black hole that takes my mind to places that it doesn't want to go.
Or maybe my mind does want to go to the darkest places I can imagine. I realize how well put-together I look on the outside. For the past few weeks I was riding this incredible high - hell I was even listening to *gasp* country music! And not the depressing "my wife left me and my dog got run over" kind. The genuinely happy country music that has the ability to leave you in such a good mood.
I realized last night that all of this is going to come crashing down around me. And when I realized that - when I realized that it feels like groundhog day and that I'm stuck in some sick joke where I'm constantly the punchline - all I can say is that I haven't felt so worthless in a long time.
I'm sure the vodka didn't help either.
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